It’s important for us to be who we are despite what others say and what they think. We have all these insecurities thinking about how others will react and do whatever we think they’d prefer. Keep quiet, Dress a certain way, Speak a certain way, follow what they are doing, don’t show what you really think or feel. FORGET THAT! We need to do what makes us happy, because clearly by hiding ourselves away it’s not making us feel any better. I may still not feel completely comfortable in my own skin at times but then I remember I deserve better and not everyone is going to like you. It’s just how it goes unfortunately, but as long as I like me at least I can say I lived staying true to who I was because of me and not what anyone else tried to do to change me. Like what you like. Do what you want to do. Express yourself the way you want to. Instead of people having such negative opinions about you they should focus on themselves because clearly they feel some kind of way when you’re confident with who you are.
I’ve been taken for granted. The person that kept taking me for granted always thought I wouldn’t notice or would be happy to continue to be used. You may not notice it’s happening right away but once you do the first thing you need to do is address it and if it’s not enough then you are fine to let them go. I’m done trying to clasp onto a relationship that’s not going to exist. As much as I want it to work I refuse to continue to be seen as someone you occasionally notice and reach out to when something is needed. I’m putting my time and energy into someone else that sees me. That appreciates me. That see’s my worth. One day when you turn around and realize I’m gone and try to get my attention to get me back. It’s not going to happen because I’ve moved on. And you can continue to say things to try and grab my attention and sure I’ve seen them but I’m really good without you. You never saw my strength until I left and that’s sad but I’m being strong without you. It’s funny how things change. When you were using me you actually needed me, but I don’t need you.
The truth hurts sometimes. It could be why we don’t always want to hear it. I’ve opened up to listen to others, even if they include me. I’ve learned to own my truth and express it. Expressing it can take some time, but that’s ok like I said, it hurts sometimes. What I’ve also learned to remember is that when your truth includes others, and they respond being in complete denial, it means they are not ready to face it themselves. So I accept the truth and leave them until they are ready. It’s not worth delaying your healing time for them. They may come around a few hours later or years. The truth is sometimes we want to finally hear them admit or see how they came to the truth it may not be complete closure but at least you know they’ve been open to really see it.
You know those feelings you try to avoid, the ones that are too scary, painful, and real? You drown your sorrows and try to avoid it as much as you can. Whether it’s keeping yourself busy, taking up new habits, running, dancing, or whatever it is that comes to mind. You think that by keeping occupied it’ll just go away. Well that’s wrong. As much as we don’t want to feel it. We need to as that’s the only way we can really move forward. The only way around it is by going through it. Will it hurt? Of course. Will it be scary? Yes. Is it real? Most definitely. The sooner we get through it the sooner we can figure out how to deal with it and not let it continue to consume us.
Forgiveness can be difficult, depending on how extreme the situation is, although we may see the extremity differently. I may forgive someone for something that another person would never be able too. I can forgive someone that’s made a few times for minor mistakes. I mean, we all make mistakes. When I look back at the mistakes I’ve have been forgiven for, I don’t take that it for granted. When someone makes the same mistakes multiple times, it’s no longer a mistake in my eyes. How can I forgive someone who is deliberately going to hurt me? We shouldn’t let it slide and come up with excuses for them. The number of times we’ve discussed it and tried to move forward. We are just going backward. Then there are the people I didn’t even know. They crashed into my life and hurt me, the people I care about physically or mentally. How do I forgive them? These are the moments of difficulty. There is so much energy that is taken up when you hold a grudge. There is so much energy used when you hang on to anger. There is so much sadness bleeding into your heart. It’s exhausting. I chose to forgive certain people because it frees me a bit. I can move forward a bit, and I can feel a little lighter. I do it for me, not for them. and they don’t have to know. It doesn’t take away the pain, and not everyone will understand it. I’m taking back the energy I would have lost and put it into something better. Something worth it. Make a change for myself, for others who need to get out from under the grey clouds.
Hi! I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all those that follow my blog and giving such positive responses. It’s great to see how much of us can relate to one another and I can feel good expressing myself on The Amani Diaries. I’ve taken it a step further and doing video diaries. These will be based off the written entries I will continue to add on the site. I felt this adds a more personal touch. NOW listen, I’m not the greatest talker but I just want to get the discussions going and continue to grow with you all! The setting is more in the evening before you go to bed so I’ve got the nightwear, the tea, the laidback vibe. This is because when we may write in our diaries we tend to do it at the end of the day as we’re looking back at all that’s happened. If you don’t write in a diary you tend to have thousands of things racing in your mind just before you go to bed! Thank you again for sticking with me!
Our darkest moments. We remember how scary it was. How stuck we felt. How insecure we were. We remember how comfortable it got because it seemed easier to stay there than fight, but what we also remember is the person or people that took us out of it. Whether that person is still in our life or not. Whether it was ourselves. There was someone that stood by us. They are patient, resilient and no matter how much we try to shut them out they refuse to give up on us. I can’t tell you that we’ll never get to that place again as we don’t know what can occur in the future. One thing I do know is that as long as we have those people the known or unknown that will stand by us. We’ve got the strength to get through anything. We may not be as scared, feel as stuck or feel as insecure . There are many things that can surprise you when you need someone the most and we can definitely return the favor.
There’s a lot of things we don’t know about the next person. What they’ve been through. What their thoughts are. Or may be they do make it known but we don’t understand why they have certain thoughts. We shouldn’t just assume. They may not know about me. Walking a mile in each other’s shoes can make some of the unknown more visible. You begin to understand why people do the things they may do or have particular views. If you take the time to fully understand then it’s a step forward into something better. We’ve got to give each other a chance. We may still not agree with why some people’s actions but at least you’ve taken that time to really look. In most cases our different thoughts and opinions is an insight to try amend and support one another for the better. We can head in a better direction together. Leaving no one behind, in our own shoes because we know what values they have to us.
When we fall sometimes we feel there’s no point to get back up. You get tired. You get frustrated, but that’s fine! It’s all a part of it. The reason we get back up is because we are strong despite us not thinking it at the time or even other people. We must not underestimate ourselves. Everything is NOT going to go as planned. It’s just how it goes. We may put our all into it and it doesn’t work out. That’s no fault of yours in believing in yourself. Some things just don’t work out. So the next thing to do is work on something else that does or go at it from another angle! When you don’t succeed at one thing we shouldn’t class it as a failure just a lesson to learn from and the tools to go for the next thing. Now there are mountains we will climb to get to where we want to go and when we reach the top the view will be worth all the sweat and tears. We will rise up and when we do it’s gonna be a sight to see.
I spoke about self love and it really had me thinking about how time never sleeps. So we’ve got to insure that in the time we have is spent on the things that really matter to us. We give our all into everything but all of it doesn’t deserve it. There’s so many things we wish to do and we may not get to do it all, but the ones we can we need to stop pushing it aside. There are certain circumstances people are in where it’s tricky to make certain decisions but if you can gain complete control, make the choice you want to make. Go for it! Something’s got to give in order for you to feel that more in control. That bit happier. That bit free from feeling shattered. Or even stuck in the sunken place. (Yes I saw Get Out) haha. No seriously, I’m giving up something I don’t need for something I do, because this is my time and I’m not about to waste it.
Everyone has responsibilities. Their things that need to be taken care of, people that need to be taken care of. There’s that feeling of having to be on the ball as you can’t afford to drop it. All of this weight put on is only pressure that’s building up. We know what happens when there’s too much pressure. But it’s a risk that many are willing to take. The need to make sure everything else is okay is fine, but what about YOU. It’s so easy to lose yourself in someone or something because you don’t want to face… YOU. There are many reasons why someone choses to avoid themselves and make it seem as though they have it all together. But in reality they don’t, simply because they haven’t taken the time for themselves. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You CAN do it all and that includes adding yourself in the equation. It can be hard at times thinking you can’t afford to do that but you CAN! Start with something small, as looking in the mirror and saying. “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” Then work on what you want and need to take care of for YOU and never think you’re are not worth the thought, energy, or time because YOU deserve it all! Self Love, is the best LOVE!
Written By: @AmanVHenry
Inspired By: Self Love – Ari Lennox, Bas, Dreamville
There’s a lot of things we wish we have or had while we continue with life. You have to make do with what you have around you. It may not always be the best or what you had hoped for, but sometimes it’s just enough to keep you moving forward. There are so many different influences out there that can either lead you to a better direction or the wrong one. Sometimes it’s hard to say you want to do the right thing when what you have around you only has one attitude which is to bring you down. Although it may be tough, you can still try. It’s been proven so it’s not impossible. Whoever we have that will help us, support us, we keep those people close. Together we will make mistakes, learn and grow. We are never forgotten, we are still here and ready to keep on moving up to bigger and better things. Then maybe one day the things we wish we had, we’ll get it.
When we finally get comfortable with who we are, what we do, and our surroundings. The last thing we want is for someone to try and change it. Now, I’m all for trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone, because it can be beneficial to you or even eye-opening. It’s when it’s being forced upon you, that’s where I have a problem. I always try to see why they may want me to change, but they never try to see it from my point of view. Of what it may cost me. Someone else may do it for them, doesn’t mean I would do the same. Putting pressure on me is only going to push me further away and I may become defensive, and why wouldn’t I, It’s about me. We may need to compromise, but I’m not willing to go as far as erasing everything I’ve worked for to get me to who I am and where I am just because it will make someone else feel better. I deserve to feel good about myself. There will be things that will be beyond my control when it comes to some changes, but when I’m in control you better believe I’ll do what I want for me.
There are people that we look up to, admire, and respect. Their actions and things they say can really impact you in a way that makes you feel that bit better about yourself and the world around you. It can be a scary world at times but knowing you can look to these people especially when you need them the most it gives you that bit of strength or boost that you need. We can do some things on our own but we also need someone. It doesn’t necessarily need to be someone you know personally. When you stand for the same thing, going through a similar situation or want to achieve the same goal, you can form this connection. They become your safe haven. It’s amazing how many times you can help a person without even knowing you have. People say ‘watch what you say and do because people are watching ‘and that’s right more now than ever before. If it’s towards something that requires attention or change. Do what needs to be done, especially if you are willing to do just that despite the backfire. We’ve already seen what past strengths can do that’s moved us forward to where we are today. Sure there’s more work to be done but it’s getting done. So thank you to all those that continue to try and we also need to remember as much as we need them they need us to. We can be their safe haven. It’s ok for all of us not to be ok. Thank you to those that have allowed me to take a step towards having more courage, strength, and belief in myself or even just made me laugh at the moment I needed to.
It’s amazing how much we can really get into our feelings. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere… then again it does come from somewhere. We don’t always want to admit it to ourselves but our subconscious doesn’t mess around because when it’s ready to take over it will release all that feeling that’s being suppressed. Sometimes we feel stupid for being in our feelings. Which we shouldn’t. We tell ourselves or are told to just get over it but in order to do that we’ve got to feel it and even then it may take time to embrace that feeling. If we don’t acknowledge our feelings it will consume us. There may be a “Place and Time” for that but when your feelings become that overwhelming it doesn’t matter and quite frankly your mind and body don’t care. So before we unravel, we need to feel whatever it is at that moment at least then you can deal with it better. We should never try to turn people away for how they are feeling as we all react different and just because we may not find it significant it is to them and visa versa. We can do a lot just by listening to each other and ourselves.
You know what can be exhausting? Trying to please everyone. We change ourselves through the things we say, things we do, hold back, grin and bear it and forget that one simple fact: WE CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE. It’s like walking on eggshells! Not that I would ever do that but that’s why it’s called a metaphor. We all have our thoughts and opinions and the way we do things that are not ALWAYS going to be the same. I’ve had that moment I’ve “slipped up” being myself and it was seen as ME not being OKAY. Or ME not being MYSELF. Errr. It’s me but I forgot I had that more acceptable version of myself on. Look the first person I should be focusing on pleasing is myself. The person I see in the mirror everyday, the person I have to live with everyday, the person I have to hear complaints or feel some type of way at the end of the day.
Some of the things I used to do for people was me seeking acceptance until I realised I wasn’t going to get the respect I deserved. The way I acted in specific places was because I didn’t want to be seen as part of a stereotype. The thing is I never gave myself the opportunity to let whoever would accept me for me a chance. It can be tough in certain circumstances. I get that but if we really don’t have to hide who we are… we shouldn’t! And I’ve seen it for a while now and sometimes you can do everything and it’s still not enough! We all know this brave talk can be tough in particular surroundings. All I know is whoever else is out there trying to please somebody that’s not being seen. I get it and I get them, but this cycle needs to slow its roll!!!
If we’ve taken the time to really reflect whilst staying at home, we’ll begin to realise all the things taken for granted. I mean the majority of the time it takes something overwhelming for us to open our eyes (I’m sure there’s many that would say ‘My eyes have always been open’) 😀 and that may be true but unfortunately it takes time for people to get on the same page. They may be slow readers, a picture book kind of person or a turned into a TV Show/Movie kind of person either way they’ll get there and some may even throw the book away. (Let’s get back on track) What I’m getting at what we need to take away is appreciation. Appreciation for the family and friends in our lives. Appreciation for the work people do or are doing to help those that really need it. Appreciation for yourself! And despite the fear and sadness (We’ve had our moments for various reasons) we shouldn’t be afraid to smile and keep others smiling. Spirits are low but we can take it higher. As we are all in it just simply saying I Do.
Mental Health is important both personally and openly to others that face it. It’s a topic that can be nervewracking to talk about or may seem embarrassing. Let the conversation start and MAY it continue. I wrote this with mind and heart.
To take the lead can be difficult whether you are a man or a woman. In history, however, it’s been seen that women are less “capable”. There are many arguments as to why but that’s all becoming background noise. The noise we need to be hearing are those that say I’ve got this and actually giving them the support they deserve to prove they do. I often don’t like using that word prove. I won’t prove it, I will simply show you. This will constantly be a debate like many other issues we are facing but by simply giving someone a chance and not being so difficult about their gender, you may learn a thing or two. Like how “capable” they are. I guess easy is simply boring and a challenge is more fun. There are many that will accept that challenge, hasn’t stopped people in the past. We should be equals, for those that push forward for us, we should support and push forward for them.