I’ve been taken for granted. The person that kept taking me for granted always thought I wouldn’t notice or would be happy to continue to be used. You may not notice it’s happening right away but once you do the first thing you need to do is address it and if it’s not enough then you are fine to let them go. I’m done trying to clasp onto a relationship that’s not going to exist. As much as I want it to work I refuse to continue to be seen as someone you occasionally notice and reach out to when something is needed. I’m putting my time and energy into someone else that sees me. That appreciates me. That see’s my worth. One day when you turn around and realize I’m gone and try to get my attention to get me back. It’s not going to happen because I’ve moved on. And you can continue to say things to try and grab my attention and sure I’ve seen them but I’m really good without you. You never saw my strength until I left and that’s sad but I’m being strong without you. It’s funny how things change. When you were using me you actually needed me, but I don’t need you.
You know those feelings you try to avoid, the ones that are too scary, painful, and real? You drown your sorrows and try to avoid it as much as you can. Whether it’s keeping yourself busy, taking up new habits, running, dancing, or whatever it is that comes to mind. You think that by keeping occupied it’ll just go away. Well that’s wrong. As much as we don’t want to feel it. We need to as that’s the only way we can really move forward. The only way around it is by going through it. Will it hurt? Of course. Will it be scary? Yes. Is it real? Most definitely. The sooner we get through it the sooner we can figure out how to deal with it and not let it continue to consume us.
Forgiveness can be difficult, depending on how extreme the situation is, although we may see the extremity differently. I may forgive someone for something that another person would never be able too. I can forgive someone that’s made a few times for minor mistakes. I mean, we all make mistakes. When I look back at the mistakes I’ve have been forgiven for, I don’t take that it for granted. When someone makes the same mistakes multiple times, it’s no longer a mistake in my eyes. How can I forgive someone who is deliberately going to hurt me? We shouldn’t let it slide and come up with excuses for them. The number of times we’ve discussed it and tried to move forward. We are just going backward. Then there are the people I didn’t even know. They crashed into my life and hurt me, the people I care about physically or mentally. How do I forgive them? These are the moments of difficulty. There is so much energy that is taken up when you hold a grudge. There is so much energy used when you hang on to anger. There is so much sadness bleeding into your heart. It’s exhausting. I chose to forgive certain people because it frees me a bit. I can move forward a bit, and I can feel a little lighter. I do it for me, not for them. and they don’t have to know. It doesn’t take away the pain, and not everyone will understand it. I’m taking back the energy I would have lost and put it into something better. Something worth it. Make a change for myself, for others who need to get out from under the grey clouds.
Hi! I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all those that follow my blog and giving such positive responses. It’s great to see how much of us can relate to one another and I can feel good expressing myself on The Amani Diaries. I’ve taken it a step further and doing video diaries. These will be based off the written entries I will continue to add on the site. I felt this adds a more personal touch. NOW listen, I’m not the greatest talker but I just want to get the discussions going and continue to grow with you all! The setting is more in the evening before you go to bed so I’ve got the nightwear, the tea, the laidback vibe. This is because when we may write in our diaries we tend to do it at the end of the day as we’re looking back at all that’s happened. If you don’t write in a diary you tend to have thousands of things racing in your mind just before you go to bed! Thank you again for sticking with me!
Our darkest moments. We remember how scary it was. How stuck we felt. How insecure we were. We remember how comfortable it got because it seemed easier to stay there than fight, but what we also remember is the person or people that took us out of it. Whether that person is still in our life or not. Whether it was ourselves. There was someone that stood by us. They are patient, resilient and no matter how much we try to shut them out they refuse to give up on us. I can’t tell you that we’ll never get to that place again as we don’t know what can occur in the future. One thing I do know is that as long as we have those people the known or unknown that will stand by us. We’ve got the strength to get through anything. We may not be as scared, feel as stuck or feel as insecure . There are many things that can surprise you when you need someone the most and we can definitely return the favor.
When we fall sometimes we feel there’s no point to get back up. You get tired. You get frustrated, but that’s fine! It’s all a part of it. The reason we get back up is because we are strong despite us not thinking it at the time or even other people. We must not underestimate ourselves. Everything is NOT going to go as planned. It’s just how it goes. We may put our all into it and it doesn’t work out. That’s no fault of yours in believing in yourself. Some things just don’t work out. So the next thing to do is work on something else that does or go at it from another angle! When you don’t succeed at one thing we shouldn’t class it as a failure just a lesson to learn from and the tools to go for the next thing. Now there are mountains we will climb to get to where we want to go and when we reach the top the view will be worth all the sweat and tears. We will rise up and when we do it’s gonna be a sight to see.
I spoke about self love and it really had me thinking about how time never sleeps. So we’ve got to insure that in the time we have is spent on the things that really matter to us. We give our all into everything but all of it doesn’t deserve it. There’s so many things we wish to do and we may not get to do it all, but the ones we can we need to stop pushing it aside. There are certain circumstances people are in where it’s tricky to make certain decisions but if you can gain complete control, make the choice you want to make. Go for it! Something’s got to give in order for you to feel that more in control. That bit happier. That bit free from feeling shattered. Or even stuck in the sunken place. (Yes I saw Get Out) haha. No seriously, I’m giving up something I don’t need for something I do, because this is my time and I’m not about to waste it.
Everyone has responsibilities. Their things that need to be taken care of, people that need to be taken care of. There’s that feeling of having to be on the ball as you can’t afford to drop it. All of this weight put on is only pressure that’s building up. We know what happens when there’s too much pressure. But it’s a risk that many are willing to take. The need to make sure everything else is okay is fine, but what about YOU. It’s so easy to lose yourself in someone or something because you don’t want to face… YOU. There are many reasons why someone choses to avoid themselves and make it seem as though they have it all together. But in reality they don’t, simply because they haven’t taken the time for themselves. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You CAN do it all and that includes adding yourself in the equation. It can be hard at times thinking you can’t afford to do that but you CAN! Start with something small, as looking in the mirror and saying. “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” Then work on what you want and need to take care of for YOU and never think you’re are not worth the thought, energy, or time because YOU deserve it all! Self Love, is the best LOVE!
Written By: @AmanVHenry
Inspired By: Self Love – Ari Lennox, Bas, Dreamville
There’s a lot of things we wish we have or had while we continue with life. You have to make do with what you have around you. It may not always be the best or what you had hoped for, but sometimes it’s just enough to keep you moving forward. There are so many different influences out there that can either lead you to a better direction or the wrong one. Sometimes it’s hard to say you want to do the right thing when what you have around you only has one attitude which is to bring you down. Although it may be tough, you can still try. It’s been proven so it’s not impossible. Whoever we have that will help us, support us, we keep those people close. Together we will make mistakes, learn and grow. We are never forgotten, we are still here and ready to keep on moving up to bigger and better things. Then maybe one day the things we wish we had, we’ll get it.
When we finally get comfortable with who we are, what we do, and our surroundings. The last thing we want is for someone to try and change it. Now, I’m all for trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone, because it can be beneficial to you or even eye-opening. It’s when it’s being forced upon you, that’s where I have a problem. I always try to see why they may want me to change, but they never try to see it from my point of view. Of what it may cost me. Someone else may do it for them, doesn’t mean I would do the same. Putting pressure on me is only going to push me further away and I may become defensive, and why wouldn’t I, It’s about me. We may need to compromise, but I’m not willing to go as far as erasing everything I’ve worked for to get me to who I am and where I am just because it will make someone else feel better. I deserve to feel good about myself. There will be things that will be beyond my control when it comes to some changes, but when I’m in control you better believe I’ll do what I want for me.