I’ve been taken for granted. The person that kept taking me for granted always thought I wouldn’t notice or would be happy to continue to be used. You may not notice it’s happening right away but once you do the first thing you need to do is address it and if it’s not enough then you are fine to let them go. I’m done trying to clasp onto a relationship that’s not going to exist. As much as I want it to work I refuse to continue to be seen as someone you occasionally notice and reach out to when something is needed. I’m putting my time and energy into someone else that sees me. That appreciates me. That see’s my worth. One day when you turn around and realize I’m gone and try to get my attention to get me back. It’s not going to happen because I’ve moved on. And you can continue to say things to try and grab my attention and sure I’ve seen them but I’m really good without you. You never saw my strength until I left and that’s sad but I’m being strong without you. It’s funny how things change. When you were using me you actually needed me, but I don’t need you.
The truth hurts sometimes. It could be why we don’t always want to hear it. I’ve opened up to listen to others, even if they include me. I’ve learned to own my truth and express it. Expressing it can take some time, but that’s ok like I said, it hurts sometimes. What I’ve also learned to remember is that when your truth includes others, and they respond being in complete denial, it means they are not ready to face it themselves. So I accept the truth and leave them until they are ready. It’s not worth delaying your healing time for them. They may come around a few hours later or years. The truth is sometimes we want to finally hear them admit or see how they came to the truth it may not be complete closure but at least you know they’ve been open to really see it.
You know those feelings you try to avoid, the ones that are too scary, painful, and real? You drown your sorrows and try to avoid it as much as you can. Whether it’s keeping yourself busy, taking up new habits, running, dancing, or whatever it is that comes to mind. You think that by keeping occupied it’ll just go away. Well that’s wrong. As much as we don’t want to feel it. We need to as that’s the only way we can really move forward. The only way around it is by going through it. Will it hurt? Of course. Will it be scary? Yes. Is it real? Most definitely. The sooner we get through it the sooner we can figure out how to deal with it and not let it continue to consume us.
One of the greatest feelings is being able to be yourself. Not be judged and feel as though you have to hide parts of yourself.It’s easy to slip into your comfort zone. It’s also easy to close yourself off. Block people out, because you feel you don’t really belong.The time you feel you can be yourself is when you’re home alone. You can say what you want and do what you want. Just be completely comfortable. When the time comes you can be that person in front of someone else. That is when you’ve got something amazing. You can be you and not suddenly feel dumb or embarrassed. What makes it even better, is when that person brings more things out of you that you never even thought you could do. Even enhance it. That’s the people that keep you going and those are the people that need to stick around.They can bring out the best of you and so much more.
Hope is powerful. It takes up so much of your heart, even when you say you’re going to give up on it. It takes hold of you. It’s in everything you do and everything you see. You hope things will get better, you hope you will succeed, you positive things will last, you hope relationships will last. You hope there’s no discrimination, greed and endangerment to so many people. There’s a lot of hope seeping through us. Even when feeling defeated, don’t give up because things will and can turn around for the better. This world we live in has the good, bad, and everything in-between. Sometimes it feels like the bad out-ways the good, and we feel we should back down. We shouldn’t. We shouldn’t feel intimidated by it, because all it takes is one person’s hope and strength to head us in a better direction. When that hope combined together!! We can make so many changes. It’s already been done, so we’ve got to keep putting it forward. It’s an uphill battle but it’s worth the climb. I hope we can do better. I hope we can be better. I hope one day there will be more good that overtakes the bad.
Hi! I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all those that follow my blog and giving such positive responses. It’s great to see how much of us can relate to one another and I can feel good expressing myself on The Amani Diaries. I’ve taken it a step further and doing video diaries. These will be based off the written entries I will continue to add on the site. I felt this adds a more personal touch. NOW listen, I’m not the greatest talker but I just want to get the discussions going and continue to grow with you all! The setting is more in the evening before you go to bed so I’ve got the nightwear, the tea, the laidback vibe. This is because when we may write in our diaries we tend to do it at the end of the day as we’re looking back at all that’s happened. If you don’t write in a diary you tend to have thousands of things racing in your mind just before you go to bed! Thank you again for sticking with me!
What becomes of the brokenhearted? I’ll answer that for ya. A whole lot of pain! It hurts so bad! (Crying face emoji). Seriously it does and what do we end up doing? We put up this barrier that makes it more and more difficult for others to break THAT down. Despite what someone has said or done, we need to try and not live with such a high barrier. Do you know how many people I’ve keep at barely even arms length because I was too afraid they’ll be like the person before? Then it turns out they would have been good for me. I know we want to protect ourselves from pain, but pain is inevitable. It comes in all shapes and sizes and at different times. And it can come from anyone. This is not me being negative. It’s me not trying to hide away from the fact that as many times I’ve been walking around with a broken heart I’ve discarded the people that would have been willing to try to mend it. Now once a broken heart is broken it can’t be fixed completely, the scars will always be there. We shouldn’t use it as an excuse to take that pain out on other’s. We are all brokenhearted, it’s what we do with that broken heart to gain some peace of mind that things will get better and there will be less heartbreak and more heart mending. (Get it!). I know we’ve got to feel the pain but feel it whilst keeping the things or those around you that are there to mend it.
Our darkest moments. We remember how scary it was. How stuck we felt. How insecure we were. We remember how comfortable it got because it seemed easier to stay there than fight, but what we also remember is the person or people that took us out of it. Whether that person is still in our life or not. Whether it was ourselves. There was someone that stood by us. They are patient, resilient and no matter how much we try to shut them out they refuse to give up on us. I can’t tell you that we’ll never get to that place again as we don’t know what can occur in the future. One thing I do know is that as long as we have those people the known or unknown that will stand by us. We’ve got the strength to get through anything. We may not be as scared, feel as stuck or feel as insecure . There are many things that can surprise you when you need someone the most and we can definitely return the favor.
It’s easy to give up on your goals. It’s easy to give up on getting what you really want. Why go through the exhaustion and need to maintain that enthusiasm, when there’s going to be all those challenges and people telling you you can’t? Well, that’s simply because you can. You can reach your goals. You can get what you want and we may not even know what we really want for years to come but when we do, we’ve got to go get it! Look, I’m not saying that we will accomplish every goal but at least we CAN say we put in everything!! It doesn’t make those people that said you couldn’t do it right. (I mean to an extent it does). BUT the fact of the matter is you ignored them and still went for it despite all the obstacles. That only makes you stronger to go for the next goal!! No one can stop you as this elevator is only going up! And when we reach wherever it is we plan on getting the view is going to look pretty good! We’ve gotta do right by ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to explore all our options and be proud. We will have our own doubts and sleepless nights going over the things we wish we did or fear of not knowing is coming next, but our strength will get us through it. Whether it’s with a good group of people around you that only lift you higher or you lifting yourself higher no matter what! We shouldn’t let anyone take our crown, best believe we earned it!
There are relationships that we tiptoe around. We try not to react at certain things and be careful of what we do because we don’t want it to fall apart. Or do we? Change is a big thing and we don’t always want to make it. We get comfortable in relationships we know we don’t want to be a part of or know we shouldn’t be a part of. As this is all you know and having to start again can be a long and difficult process. So we stick around going over the same thing. In the back of our minds we are hoping something will happen to be seen as such a huge reason to part ways or for them to even say something because and you will be happy to go because you have been ready. You may not want to be the one to be seen as breaking up the relationship. But why should you feel shame in leaving something that’s not working? If you’re not enough to try and work things out then it’s better to go through the long process of meeting someone new. At least then you’ll feel better about it. There’s no point lying to yourself because you know the truth.
Everyone has responsibilities. Their things that need to be taken care of, people that need to be taken care of. There’s that feeling of having to be on the ball as you can’t afford to drop it. All of this weight put on is only pressure that’s building up. We know what happens when there’s too much pressure. But it’s a risk that many are willing to take. The need to make sure everything else is okay is fine, but what about YOU. It’s so easy to lose yourself in someone or something because you don’t want to face… YOU. There are many reasons why someone choses to avoid themselves and make it seem as though they have it all together. But in reality they don’t, simply because they haven’t taken the time for themselves. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You CAN do it all and that includes adding yourself in the equation. It can be hard at times thinking you can’t afford to do that but you CAN! Start with something small, as looking in the mirror and saying. “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” Then work on what you want and need to take care of for YOU and never think you’re are not worth the thought, energy, or time because YOU deserve it all! Self Love, is the best LOVE!
Written By: @AmanVHenry
Inspired By: Self Love – Ari Lennox, Bas, Dreamville
There’s a lot of things we wish we have or had while we continue with life. You have to make do with what you have around you. It may not always be the best or what you had hoped for, but sometimes it’s just enough to keep you moving forward. There are so many different influences out there that can either lead you to a better direction or the wrong one. Sometimes it’s hard to say you want to do the right thing when what you have around you only has one attitude which is to bring you down. Although it may be tough, you can still try. It’s been proven so it’s not impossible. Whoever we have that will help us, support us, we keep those people close. Together we will make mistakes, learn and grow. We are never forgotten, we are still here and ready to keep on moving up to bigger and better things. Then maybe one day the things we wish we had, we’ll get it.
There are a lot of people who are not considerate enough to let you be YOU. They try to hold you down, refusing to let you grow and exceed your full potential. They may be doing it out of their fear and insecurities, not giving themselves a chance. So why should we get that chance? Simple, because we deserve it. We all do. Instead of dragging each other down, we need to be lifting each other up, face those fears and insecurities together, be considerate of the obstacles that are already being faced, and not adding unnecessary glitter on top. (Yes I said glitter because… it get messy). The unfortunate thing is, this is part of the long-standing vicious cycle we get caught in. We can break away from it by lifting ourselves up and doing it our own way, especially if the people around us won’t. It will be hard but we deserve that respect, eventually, we’ll be able to be around the people that will consider us for who we are no matter what. This is the positive cycle. It’s out there and just as strong and it’s growing, just as we will be. At least we’ll have that peace of mind knowing we did what you needed to do for US.
Support, Live, Love, Laugh, we can even happy cry together.
We tolerate a lot. We have a lot of patience too. You may see people in the street (When there were people out) that loose their patience quickly and that’s not because they’re are impatient… well they are… BUT it’s what they’ve gone through to reach to that point. You see when we tolerate so much it’s only up to an extent. We are not made of stone and even if we were we can be thrown away. The people we keep accepting the hurt they put us through, don’t seem to realise one day we will have had enough and leave. It doesn’t have to be for good but like the saying “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Does apply in this situation. We know exactly who we continue to put us through so much and still stand by. It’ll be great if they also realised it and stop taking advantage. I don’t want to be taking it out on anyone else. Diary if you think I haven’t tried to say something about how I’m feeling the response is mostly that ‘I’m complaining.’ or they apologise and it goes right back into the same thing. The question now is Do you care that much for them to stay or Do you care that much for yourself to leave?
It’s amazing how much we can really get into our feelings. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere… then again it does come from somewhere. We don’t always want to admit it to ourselves but our subconscious doesn’t mess around because when it’s ready to take over it will release all that feeling that’s being suppressed. Sometimes we feel stupid for being in our feelings. Which we shouldn’t. We tell ourselves or are told to just get over it but in order to do that we’ve got to feel it and even then it may take time to embrace that feeling. If we don’t acknowledge our feelings it will consume us. There may be a “Place and Time” for that but when your feelings become that overwhelming it doesn’t matter and quite frankly your mind and body don’t care. So before we unravel, we need to feel whatever it is at that moment at least then you can deal with it better. We should never try to turn people away for how they are feeling as we all react different and just because we may not find it significant it is to them and visa versa. We can do a lot just by listening to each other and ourselves.
You know what can be exhausting? Trying to please everyone. We change ourselves through the things we say, things we do, hold back, grin and bear it and forget that one simple fact: WE CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE. It’s like walking on eggshells! Not that I would ever do that but that’s why it’s called a metaphor. We all have our thoughts and opinions and the way we do things that are not ALWAYS going to be the same. I’ve had that moment I’ve “slipped up” being myself and it was seen as ME not being OKAY. Or ME not being MYSELF. Errr. It’s me but I forgot I had that more acceptable version of myself on. Look the first person I should be focusing on pleasing is myself. The person I see in the mirror everyday, the person I have to live with everyday, the person I have to hear complaints or feel some type of way at the end of the day.
Some of the things I used to do for people was me seeking acceptance until I realised I wasn’t going to get the respect I deserved. The way I acted in specific places was because I didn’t want to be seen as part of a stereotype. The thing is I never gave myself the opportunity to let whoever would accept me for me a chance. It can be tough in certain circumstances. I get that but if we really don’t have to hide who we are… we shouldn’t! And I’ve seen it for a while now and sometimes you can do everything and it’s still not enough! We all know this brave talk can be tough in particular surroundings. All I know is whoever else is out there trying to please somebody that’s not being seen. I get it and I get them, but this cycle needs to slow its roll!!!
There’s a lot of people that come and go in our lives and there’s many reasons why. One thing you can’t deny is that they’ve made an impact. It may not always be so obvious but it’s true. I’ll see them through everything I do. The bad experiences left the scars but also taught me to grow and be cautious, it may affect future relationships to an extent but now I don’t let it consume me. The good experiences may make me sad they’re no longer there and I’ll do that subtle chuckle to myself knowing what they would have said. I’ll see them through my worst and best days always remembering that no matter what, I can keep going. I’m stronger for the pain, happier for the laughs and more knowledgeable for the lessons they’ve taught me.
If we’ve taken the time to really reflect whilst staying at home, we’ll begin to realise all the things taken for granted. I mean the majority of the time it takes something overwhelming for us to open our eyes (I’m sure there’s many that would say ‘My eyes have always been open’) 😀 and that may be true but unfortunately it takes time for people to get on the same page. They may be slow readers, a picture book kind of person or a turned into a TV Show/Movie kind of person either way they’ll get there and some may even throw the book away. (Let’s get back on track) What I’m getting at what we need to take away is appreciation. Appreciation for the family and friends in our lives. Appreciation for the work people do or are doing to help those that really need it. Appreciation for yourself! And despite the fear and sadness (We’ve had our moments for various reasons) we shouldn’t be afraid to smile and keep others smiling. Spirits are low but we can take it higher. As we are all in it just simply saying I Do.
Mental Health is important both personally and openly to others that face it. It’s a topic that can be nervewracking to talk about or may seem embarrassing. Let the conversation start and MAY it continue. I wrote this with mind and heart.
It’s that time of the year folks! It is hitting me for sure! My neighbour has this tree that they’ve made grow so far I thought it was a beanstalk reaching for some giants. Anywho I’m getting the pollen and the bees. The routine of waking up to swollen and itchy eyes, watering like you’ve been crying for days. The swore throat but no it’s not a cold and the constant sneezing like your insides are going to jump out.
Very descriptive I know! Let’s check out some things to help us out!
8. Stay Indoors_
What? No No No! If it is an amazing day like it has been for the last few days. I refuse to miss it! You go outside just make sure you are prepared!
They say keep your windows closed. I like them open getting in that fresh pollen sneezing filled air. If you haven’t got AC or a fan this would be your option is too open window we need that air. Follow next step for preparation.
6. Hoover / Vacuum_
I say Hoover, you say Vacuum! Hoover! Vacuum! Hoover! Vacuum! Get rid of that dust. There’s too much sneezing happening! Keep your place as dust free as possible including your clothes.
If you have medication make sure you have it first thing in the morning! It gives it time to kick in. You may not be a breakfast person but make sure you do! If you don’t take anything speak to your doctor. There are a few out there that helps.
If you have any pets that just love climbing trees, rolling in the grass. I actually do that myself. Make sure once you get in to have a good scrub!
3. And sneeze_
Put some vaseline around your nostrils this way you can trap that pollen. Haha! You say sneeze… I say errrr NO!
2. Tea you say!_
Camomille and Nettle tea are amazing when it comes to managing those symptoms!
Did you know allergy smoothies exist! YES they do. Be Gone Smoothies I’d like to call them simply because you say “Allergies be gone.” Get it!
These are the times I really appreciate my glasses. If you don’t wear glasses go grab some shades. If you want to wear contacts, grab those shades! We need to protect our eyes and keep the pollen out of our eyes! Glasses play defense with pollen! I like the big round ones!
To take the lead can be difficult whether you are a man or a woman. In history, however, it’s been seen that women are less “capable”. There are many arguments as to why but that’s all becoming background noise. The noise we need to be hearing are those that say I’ve got this and actually giving them the support they deserve to prove they do. I often don’t like using that word prove. I won’t prove it, I will simply show you. This will constantly be a debate like many other issues we are facing but by simply giving someone a chance and not being so difficult about their gender, you may learn a thing or two. Like how “capable” they are. I guess easy is simply boring and a challenge is more fun. There are many that will accept that challenge, hasn’t stopped people in the past. We should be equals, for those that push forward for us, we should support and push forward for them.