It’s important for us to be who we are despite what others say and what they think. We have all these insecurities thinking about how others will react and do whatever we think they’d prefer. Keep quiet, Dress a certain way, Speak a certain way, follow what they are doing, don’t show what you really think or feel. FORGET THAT! We need to do what makes us happy, because clearly by hiding ourselves away it’s not making us feel any better. I may still not feel completely comfortable in my own skin at times but then I remember I deserve better and not everyone is going to like you. It’s just how it goes unfortunately, but as long as I like me at least I can say I lived staying true to who I was because of me and not what anyone else tried to do to change me. Like what you like. Do what you want to do. Express yourself the way you want to. Instead of people having such negative opinions about you they should focus on themselves because clearly they feel some kind of way when you’re confident with who you are.
I’ve been taken for granted. The person that kept taking me for granted always thought I wouldn’t notice or would be happy to continue to be used. You may not notice it’s happening right away but once you do the first thing you need to do is address it and if it’s not enough then you are fine to let them go. I’m done trying to clasp onto a relationship that’s not going to exist. As much as I want it to work I refuse to continue to be seen as someone you occasionally notice and reach out to when something is needed. I’m putting my time and energy into someone else that sees me. That appreciates me. That see’s my worth. One day when you turn around and realize I’m gone and try to get my attention to get me back. It’s not going to happen because I’ve moved on. And you can continue to say things to try and grab my attention and sure I’ve seen them but I’m really good without you. You never saw my strength until I left and that’s sad but I’m being strong without you. It’s funny how things change. When you were using me you actually needed me, but I don’t need you.
The truth hurts sometimes. It could be why we don’t always want to hear it. I’ve opened up to listen to others, even if they include me. I’ve learned to own my truth and express it. Expressing it can take some time, but that’s ok like I said, it hurts sometimes. What I’ve also learned to remember is that when your truth includes others, and they respond being in complete denial, it means they are not ready to face it themselves. So I accept the truth and leave them until they are ready. It’s not worth delaying your healing time for them. They may come around a few hours later or years. The truth is sometimes we want to finally hear them admit or see how they came to the truth it may not be complete closure but at least you know they’ve been open to really see it.
You know those feelings you try to avoid, the ones that are too scary, painful, and real? You drown your sorrows and try to avoid it as much as you can. Whether it’s keeping yourself busy, taking up new habits, running, dancing, or whatever it is that comes to mind. You think that by keeping occupied it’ll just go away. Well that’s wrong. As much as we don’t want to feel it. We need to as that’s the only way we can really move forward. The only way around it is by going through it. Will it hurt? Of course. Will it be scary? Yes. Is it real? Most definitely. The sooner we get through it the sooner we can figure out how to deal with it and not let it continue to consume us.
Hi! I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all those that follow my blog and giving such positive responses. It’s great to see how much of us can relate to one another and I can feel good expressing myself on The Amani Diaries. I’ve taken it a step further and doing video diaries. These will be based off the written entries I will continue to add on the site. I felt this adds a more personal touch. NOW listen, I’m not the greatest talker but I just want to get the discussions going and continue to grow with you all! The setting is more in the evening before you go to bed so I’ve got the nightwear, the tea, the laidback vibe. This is because when we may write in our diaries we tend to do it at the end of the day as we’re looking back at all that’s happened. If you don’t write in a diary you tend to have thousands of things racing in your mind just before you go to bed! Thank you again for sticking with me!
What becomes of the brokenhearted? I’ll answer that for ya. A whole lot of pain! It hurts so bad! (Crying face emoji). Seriously it does and what do we end up doing? We put up this barrier that makes it more and more difficult for others to break THAT down. Despite what someone has said or done, we need to try and not live with such a high barrier. Do you know how many people I’ve keep at barely even arms length because I was too afraid they’ll be like the person before? Then it turns out they would have been good for me. I know we want to protect ourselves from pain, but pain is inevitable. It comes in all shapes and sizes and at different times. And it can come from anyone. This is not me being negative. It’s me not trying to hide away from the fact that as many times I’ve been walking around with a broken heart I’ve discarded the people that would have been willing to try to mend it. Now once a broken heart is broken it can’t be fixed completely, the scars will always be there. We shouldn’t use it as an excuse to take that pain out on other’s. We are all brokenhearted, it’s what we do with that broken heart to gain some peace of mind that things will get better and there will be less heartbreak and more heart mending. (Get it!). I know we’ve got to feel the pain but feel it whilst keeping the things or those around you that are there to mend it.
Our darkest moments. We remember how scary it was. How stuck we felt. How insecure we were. We remember how comfortable it got because it seemed easier to stay there than fight, but what we also remember is the person or people that took us out of it. Whether that person is still in our life or not. Whether it was ourselves. There was someone that stood by us. They are patient, resilient and no matter how much we try to shut them out they refuse to give up on us. I can’t tell you that we’ll never get to that place again as we don’t know what can occur in the future. One thing I do know is that as long as we have those people the known or unknown that will stand by us. We’ve got the strength to get through anything. We may not be as scared, feel as stuck or feel as insecure . There are many things that can surprise you when you need someone the most and we can definitely return the favor.
To take the lead can be difficult whether you are a man or a woman. In history, however, it’s been seen that women are less “capable”. There are many arguments as to why but that’s all becoming background noise. The noise we need to be hearing are those that say I’ve got this and actually giving them the support they deserve to prove they do. I often don’t like using that word prove. I won’t prove it, I will simply show you. This will constantly be a debate like many other issues we are facing but by simply giving someone a chance and not being so difficult about their gender, you may learn a thing or two. Like how “capable” they are. I guess easy is simply boring and a challenge is more fun. There are many that will accept that challenge, hasn’t stopped people in the past. We should be equals, for those that push forward for us, we should support and push forward for them.